close

Breaking out of the doomscroll | July 27th

I’ve decided to start a media log in an attempt to be more mindful about the media that I consume. I remember back in high school I would endlessly consume movies and tv shows and books and comics, but not really process any of it. I feel as though I was incapable of forming my own opinions, because that required actually thinking for more than two seconds. And that would eventually open the floodgates to ruminating on every little thing I had done wrong in my life, slowly pushing me further down into the feelings of despair and hopelessness I was trying to avoid. So in came the years of mindless consumption, never letting my brain have a moment of quiet. Being left alone with my thoughts felt like a death sentence, which of course was ridiculous. I was acting ridiculous.

But then came the Covid shut I also love the art that other people make. I need to slow down and really appreciate other people’s craft instead of just trying to consume as much as possible. A quality over quantity sort of thing.

As much as I tell myself that I should make things for myself, I keep making them with this imaginary audience in mind. “If this hypothetical audience might find what I make bad or uninspired, then what’s the point in making it at all?”

Well, because it makes me happy. I genuinely enjoy creating things, even if they end up kinda shitty. And I think focusing on things that make me happy is the best way for me to keep my head on straight. I really do believe that if you are a creative person, you need to have a creative outlet. That creative energy has to go somewhere, or you’ll just drive yourself crazy.

I also love the art that other people make. I need to slow down and really appreciate other people’s craft instead of just trying to consume as much as possible. A quality over quantity sort of thing.

close

New beginnings (?) | July 22nd

I think there is some hope to be found in new beginnings, which is what prompted me to start writing on my website again. I, of course, immediately felt stupid because I have no idea what I’m meant to write about. I just know that I have this urge to write, to make something.

I’m trying to force myself to get back into my creative projects. It doesn’t matter which one, as long as I’m writing consistently. And I want to give myself the freedom to drop the project if I’m not having fun with it. I’m trying to get myself to create mostly for mental stimulation. If I just let myself bed rot to my heart's content, I’m sure my ability to form coherent sentences is going to atrophy.

Create more than you consume!

Doomscrolling will be the death of you!

close

Death of the author + ramblings | May 24th

I can’t understand engaging with works only on the surface level. You don’t have to write an essay about it, but how can you not think any deeper about it. Books, movies, comics, music, tv shows, music, plays, etc etc. You’ll sit down for a 2 hour film, or listen to an entire album, and watch seasons and seasons of a tv show, and all you can have to say when you're done is “it was good”. It was good? Artists of all kinds put their heart and soul into these works and build the courage to put them out into the world, just for you to give it a passing glance. It feels disrespectful to engage with a work so passively. When writers can create such deep fantasy worlds that almost feel alive. When a song has lyrics that flow like poetry. When a painter creates pieces so detailed and vibrant. All the effort being put into these pieces of art practically begs you to give a closer examination. And maybe sometimes it just isn’t “that deep”, and the creator didn't put that much effort into the work at all. That doesn’t stop you as the audience from finding your own meaning in it.

Something you see over and over is people crying out “death of the author” only when a creator has done something horrible. People wish to keep engaging with the work, but no longer wish to engage with its creator. It seems strange to apply the idea of distancing the work from the creator on a case by case basis. I believe it has something to do with the digital age and being closer than ever to these creators, and in an age where a writer can send out a retcon in a tweet or add extra character information without creating a new installment, it seems necessary to think of all authors as dead. That whatever an author says outside of the work in question should not be taken into consideration when looking at the work as a whole. Death to the author. To all authors. Death to authorial intent. Once it’s been officially published it’s out of your hands. It belongs to the audience, and the audience is free to find plot holes and inconsistencies and unfortunate implications.

close

Attempting to get off of tiktok | May 22nd

I randomly started posting Ninjago content on TikTok again after posting quite infrequently. These shitposts managed to get a little bit of traction, but they also managed to get some unwanted attention. There were a lot of hate comments for my interpretation of some characters, which made me want to turn my comments off. But then I remembered that this is a bit to be expected with an app like TikTok. Any app with an algorithm is bound to push certain content onto the feeds of people who don’t want to see that. This makes fandom spaces incredibly frustrating as people feel the need to attack creators that they don’t agree with, rather than just not interacting with those posts. And also, it’s TikTok, there’s bound to be a lot of straight people who take personal offense to the idea of someone calling their fictional lego minifigure gay.

But then I remembered that I really only make this content for the sake of making it and don’t really care if people interact with it. So I might as well put this sort of content on my personal website, which is full of stuff that I don’t really care if people read or not. This page will be more general blog content. My inane ramblings, stuff that’s going on in my life, ideas for the website. I have a separate Ninjago blog on my Ninjago shrine, and might have more blogs for specific content if I decide to make more shrines.